It can all too easily happen. You’re lonely, you’re bored, you’ve drunk too much or maybe you just miss that ‘in love’ feeling so you impulsively do it: you text your ex. Trouble is; once it’s sent you can’t take it back, no matter how much you might want to. But aside from embarrassment, if you’re in the middle of a divorce those texts could have real consequences. Here are the types of texts you should avoid and why.
Ex Texting Implications
While a text sent in a moment of weakness may seem innocent enough; you may not realize that these messages may be considered admissible evidence in court. Depending on the content of the text(s) and how vindictive your ex might be, they could be used against you in an attempt affect the judge’s decision(s) regarding:
- Child custody
- Alimony
- Distribution of assets
- Debts
Not to mention, anything you may have informally agreed to via text message during your separation or divorce via text could potentially be binding, too. Yikes!
Texting No Nos
Now that we’ve established the old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” doesn’t quite hold true today, let’s get specific. Here are 10 things you should NEVER text your ex:
- Booty Call invitations
- Longing or regrets
- Boasts about how well you are doing
- Commentary on their new squeeze (positive or negative)
- Commentary on your new squeeze
- Nude pics
- Pics of your new buff body
- Sexy or flirty emojis
- Angry commentary and/or threats
- Anything at all – after your text is not responded to
Of course, this list doesn’t cover all no-text scenarios, but you get the idea!
Texting Tips for Future
Naturally there will be times where you will need to be in communication with your ex, especially if you’re co-parenting. That said, when you text during your divorce, these tips can help you stay on point (so to speak):
- Take Your Time – Never send a text while feeling upset, hurt or frustrated. It won’t hurt to walk away from the phone until you get your emotions under control. Try breathing exercises, take a walk; in general, find your Zen and then come back to the conversation (or not, see next tip).
- Do Not Engage – Just because your ex sends you inappropriate or hateful texts, doesn’t mean you have to respond. The same holds true if it feels like they are trying to bait you into an argument. If/when this happens save and/or print the text to keep it should you need to use it in court – it works both ways!
- Think it Through – Before you send ANY text to your ex, think about whether you would be comfortable with a judge seeing the message in court. You may just want to limit texts all together except for communication about your children, for example.
- Consider All Sources – Admissible texts aren’t necessarily just limited to those you send your ex. They may also include texts you send to anyone about your ex. So be careful of venting via text as well, regardless of who it is.
If communication between you and your ex is a struggle during divorce; mediation can help. Learn more by contacting our experienced team today!
